The kids and I leave for California next week and I am beyond excited. This is a vacation that has been needed for a long time. Those poor kids have been so awesome for me lately, that I know they deserve this trip more than I do. I’m looking forward to seeing the look on the little girls’ faces when they see Shamu. I mean, it’s fucking Shamu. Clearly they’re going to flip the hell out, right? Or be scared. I’m going with excited though. It’s my blog. I can do what I like. Not sure which day, but we’re going to the ocean one of the days. I totes need to pack a cooler for that. I hope it’s not all gross and rainy or overcast-y, but if it is, we’re still going. There’s so much stuff I want to show them, but the biggest thing is that I want to spend the time with them as our little family unit. Being a single mom is the last thing that I wanted to be for them, but I know that we’ve got this down. Our family is so close, I know that spending a week together will only make that more so.

                I was talking to a colleague today about the trip. She thought it was a great idea. The girls have seen the peak and pit of their mom and that’s not really fair. I work  a lot and seem to never have a break, so relaxing with my kids is going to be heavenly. Truly. It’s gonna kick ass. Usually at the end of the year the kids and I go out to dinner, usually at Ahso, and celebrate how well they did in school that year. This year, we’ll be on the beach on their last day of school. And if all goes as planned, this will be our annual family trip from here on out. I’ve been trying to find ways to make it normal that it’s the 5 of us, and not make it weird or dramatic. I never wanted the kids to know how disappointed I was in myself that I couldn’t fix my marriage. Or how embarrassed I was to be going through another divorce when I was only 31. I realize that they probably don’t care, but I do. I wanted the kids to see a healthy relationship and know what it looked like so that they would have that too when they grew up. Hopefully it isn’t too late for that… I can still find that one day, right?

                I think the hardest part about being a single parent is the boredom. Trying to sit in silence or watch TV alone is gay. Don’t get me started on how much I fucking miss going out to dinner. That was one thing I never did alone. Nor would I. God help me, I haven’t recovered from the time that I went to a bar alone and got bombarded with cat talk for 3 hours. Hey. At least I left wasted and totally sure that I hate cats with a passion. Filthy little assholes. Seriously. Varmints. Gag. Cats and snakes. And scorpions. And spiders. And spider webs. And fruit loops that are soggy in the sink. Those are things I think are really gross. And midgets. And some amputees.. The ones with the hooks are ok though. Or the boomerang feet. Although I think those people are cheating because I could run really fast if I was springy too. Wow. I just went on a tangent. I did. Ok. Time to shut up…PS- I want to be glitter bombed. How fun would that be?