Sometimes I get really bored at work. Like, super bored. Like, I think I hit the bottom of the internet bored. That’s usually when I start to stare off into space and let my imagination run wild. It’s also when I do a lot of my online shopping. Today, I had already bought a pair of wedges before it was 9 am (they’re black and adorbs, btw). Yesterday, I bought a cell phone case… it doubles as a charger… for my fucking brother… since I don’t have any use for it. He does. He rides his bike off road. He could get lost. His battery could die. I don’t want the hyenas to eat my brother’s face. He needed it. Totally worth the $60. I saved his life, sorta. Imma good sister.

       Sometimes when I’m at work, I work and stuff, but… I would say that the amount of time that I spend day dreaming could rival that of a child. Instead of daydreaming today, I decided to bust out another rant. So here goes. This morning I was driving to work and I saw my car twin. I love seeing my car twins. It happens less now in the blue truck than it did in the Durango, but it’s still just as exciting. So I see blue truck twin. And again, same as the last time and the time before that, blue truck twin’s driver is an asshole. I know it’s early. I’m trying to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I’m starting to think that most people don’t really like being honked and violently waved at before they’ve had their coffee. I know in my heart that they’re just as excited to see me as I am to see them. We’re car twins. We have a connection.

                I take the little girls to get breakfast, since I bribed them out of bed with the promise of McDonalds. $12 for breakfast because once again, I was too tired after work to stop and buy Cheerios and milk. Today will be my day. I will conquer the store after work tonight. I can say this confidently, because I know I also need to buy beer. And I need to buy stuff to BBQ for dinner. And pool toys,  because I’m not working tomorrow and so I’m taking my babies swimming. Understandabley, that will be much more important than what I am doing at work today…I do very important things at work…*rolls eyes*  

                We had a meeting at today. I didn’t really pay attention. Big shocker, right? It’s really not my fault. It’s Groupon. It’s haunting me. I save no money using Groupon. I bought gifts for Father’s day. I have 3 dads to buy for. My kids need to step it up. I’m sick of picking up the slack for them. I’m sure that my Dad would still be thrilled with a clay plate with my handprints on it, but I bought him some knick knacky shit anyway. He deserves more than that, but you can’t buy the guy anything since he has everything. I almost bought myself something too. Because I kinda play Dad roles too. But not really. My kids’ dadses (there is a reason why you are not supposed to have more than one father to your children!!!) are both great Fathers. My kids are lucky. I had a really good Dad. They will too. That will be good for them. They all know their Dadseses love them. I hope they’re pleased with the gifts I bought them. They better be. I coulda bought them a card. “Thank’s for knocking me up, Bro”.  I guess it’s not that big of a deal that I have 2 baby daddies. I mean, I think it sounds really trashy, but I know how I got here, so it isn’t like it’s a character flaw. Lots of people collect things. I collect baby daddies.

                 So in addition to collecting baby dads. I also apparently collect shoes. Like it’s sad. They’re everywhere in my home. Like Tupperware bins of winter boots and running shoes. I have running shoes. I have court shoes. I have lake shoes. Lake shoes. I have shoes for a location in which I go to swim barefoot. Do you think there’s hope for me? I don’t. I really hope the Birkenstock comes back in style. Those were so comf. I could feel one with my Jesus kicks again. I’d probably be back on the “Imma die alone” train if I tried to bring those back though. So I wait. One day, Jesus kicks. One day we will be together in a world filled with more than just hippie tree huggers and weed. One day, you will be mainstream again. I have faith. And an addiction to shopping. Fuck.