I never have written from my phone, so I apologize in advance for the shit grammar this will no doubt have. And, I apologize for the terrible spelling of my last post. I was in a hurry and slightly angry, so I never cared to look back at it.

Many of you who know me in real life know that I decided to shut down my Facebook page. But, what no one really knows is the truth as to why. To be honest, I did it to be honest. Even on this blog, which has been called things like “painfully honest” and “raw but humorous”. But the truth is, I’ve left out a lot on here too. Lying my avoidance or whatever it’s called. What has been going on behind the scenes wasn’t funny nor was it something that fit in with my “I’m a single mom who can take on the world” bullshit persona I was enjoying having people think. The truth is, my life was actually slowly, becoming unrecognizable.

I know that life is messy and unpredictable, but lately it was just a shit show. All families have issues. As a therapist, I know that. And mine was no different. However, what we have been dealing with at times, has seemed cruel. Especially when it involves a child.

The truth is my family is one of the millions in the world who is dealing with mental illness. One of my kids has OCD, and she has it severely. This disorder has made her a different person. She no longer wants to leave the house, see movies, spend time with her friends, or even go shopping. Recently, she began staying with her dad to avoid the chaos of our home. As much as I want to believe he is doing what is best for her, I can’t help but be mad that he has isolated her from her life here. And I’m sorry, but I will not pretend as if he has been more than a part time parent for her entire fucking life. But, she can be an only child at his house and not at mine.

What boggles my mind is the irony of this. I have spent my entire adult life learning about the brain and learning how to help people with “these issues” and then when it hits home, I feel as if I am learning sign language, blindfolded. Knowing your child has a disorder that is inside her brain and makes her think she will die if she isn’t clean, is heartbreaking. I have become an expert in the field of adolescent OCD, yet I am still helpless. However, I am not hopeless.

One thing I’ve learned in the last decade or so is that things could always be worse. I cannot help but be thankful that this is the battle my family is dealing with. Something that can be fixed in time is a blessing. As much as it sucks to watch your child battle with their brain, having the ability to still know they are alive is great. Not everyone is so lucky. I will never understand why this is something she must deal with, but if anyone will take this experience and thrive from it, it is going to be her. I cannot wait for the day when we can look back on all this and say “damn, that sucked”.