I have to wonder what it that makes us have faith in anything. I mean, it takes a lot of balls to trust in something you cannot see. Recently I’ve been dating, or trying to at least, and it has been interesting to say the least. I haven’t been on many dates or anything so when I say dating I mean just talking to more people I meet. For a little while I was talking to this really funny and good looking Army guy. And honestly, there were times when I wished that things would work out with him because he was so good looking and he made me laugh. But, then I was able to spend time with him and he wasn’t all that I wanted. So I knew it wasn’t something to invest more time in. Because I don’t want to settle again. God, I knew the whole fucking time I was with Crash that he wasn’t exactly what I wanted. He was cool at times but he changed and I stuck around to see if he would change back. But in all reality he was always a asshole and just hid that side of himself because I was knew to him.

So this time I set the bar really fucking high and decided it was time to just wait it out. And then when I wasn’t expecting it, I meet someone. And no, its not someone I’m saying more about at this time because he is brand new and there isn’t much to tell, other than he’s rad. I literally have just started talking to him so its really not even a thing yet. But its gotten me thinking because of some of the bullshit that seems to surround my life.

Background story- Go!

So recently I went to have drinks with a good friend and the topic of snowboarding came up. He hadn’t been yet so I said I didn’t mind at all to teach him. Then a trip got planned for some friends to all go up North. The initial friend is this guy Justin. Just-a-friend-Justin. So I invite my girlfriends and he calls his friend that I happen to know a little as well. That dude decides to go and bring his teenage son too. So its all set for us all to go. I’m game for everyone and anyone to go because the more the fucking merrier ya know. But then it hits me that this friend knows someone I dated briefly over the summer. So I call the dude to let him know some of the “rules” of the trip. Like, if he HAS to let me know if he isn’t coming since he is Just-a friend’s date and not me. And that he is not allowed to invite the dude I’d dated last summer because fuck that ya know. He agrees that he wont and says that he already rented his kids board and he’s good to go on the trip. All is well and this is gonna be fun. But then my own friends fucking bail. And then Just-a-friend bails out. This is Thursday. We are leaving Friday. So now what? Welp, Mikail to the rescue. He’s now going up with Drew and Brian. Backup is on the way so I head up before anyone else to organize a closet that’s been bugging me.

It’s a really innocent night. We start drinking and bullshitting and it’s a normal night up in the woods. Then keys get lost. Yes. The only keys to the hot dude’s truck. So we call the bar and we all look. I take my phone to the truck to look in it with the flashlight. Super hot dude comes to look in as well since I’m not sure what keys I might be looking for. Anyway. They aren’t in the truck so I kill the light on my phone. And them I’m standing in the dark forest with Super Duper Hot guy and its quiet. Like awkwardly quiet. We kiss. I laugh and say something super stupid like “Hell Yes!” because he’s really good looking and I honestly didn’t think I had a chance here and what not. So I was excited and also shocked and all these fucking emotions.

Later that night we’re talking in the kitchen and the topic of the dude I dated over the summer comes up. He says he wants to talk to him before anything “happens”. Let’s be clear. Mikail, Drew, and Brian are there; Nothing is happening on this trip.

But the convo gets me thinking. What exactly do we owe our “exes”? The dude I dated over the summer made a mountain out of a mole hill and acted like we had years invested in that deal so in my mind I don’t owe him shit. Especially since he’s not a part of my life so why should I care what he thinks. But Hot guy IS friends with him and they do have a history. So now what. At what point is a friend allowed to date someone he his friend dated? When does the “Bro-code” set in? If your buddy dated this chick for only a summer and that was it, is it ok? What if you really like her? What if you know that your friend hasn’t talked to her in months and he’s been seeing other people? That’s the new shit I have to deal with. Because this new hot dude wanted to talk to my summer fling first. I get it, but to me its like why the hell does anyone have to know about our personal lives until we have some idea of what the fuck we want as well? For all we know we’re gonna hate each other and not talk again after 2 weeks. Why inform the buddy about something like that? This is where my mind is right now. I can’t predict anything so I’m forced to just roll with all this and trust that the universe is going to make choices for me that are right. I have to say, how some people never waiver in their faith is amazing to me because it is really a lot of hard fucking work!