Wilder came into my life like a giant wave…the kind that you feel start, even when your feet feel they’re on sturdy ground. You feel a force pull you in. You could run away and try to get it behind you, maybe. Or, you can take a deep breath, let go of all control as you once knew it, and trust that the light above you will be what guides you back to the air.

Before I click bait anyone, let me be clear: I don’t believe in God or Jesus or Heaven or Hell or anything you throw a name on. My beliefs are sacred, private, and nunya.

My faith in my beliefs are all that matter.

Before I met Wilder I held onto the faith that the universe doesn’t fuck up. I knew one day, I’d know the reason why. My pregnancy was shameful, terrifying, and lonely.

I didn’t know if I’d uber to a hospital if I went into labor, if I’d have to leave sleeping babies to drive myself, if I’d have to call an ambulance, or if I’d be lucky enough to have anyone there to hold my hand. And I didn’t want to ask anyone to make sure they were there to hold my hand. Why? Because I was ashamed and scared and didn’t know how many people would’ve loved to have been “that person”.

In hindsight, my pregnancy was fucking traumatic. Her birth wasn’t joyful. It was relieving. She was out and I could stop worrying about what if.

I remember just looking at her and asking her where she came from. Over and over. I kept saying “I know you. Where did you come from?”

Have you ever had a vivid dream and when you wake up it’s a little bit of a let down because it wasn’t real after all?

The last year since I’ve met Wilder, has felt like that.

Only she’s proof that believing someone….something…somewhere has a plan and trusting whatever that is to you, is worth it.

Letting go of control is scary. I guess sometimes it’s worth it.

For me, I feel like I’m living the win money vivid dream…but I wake up and it’s real.

My daughters are all real. They’re healthy and happy and yada yada yada and the baby is such a tyrant but we love her still.

Guys, the universe puts who you need in your corner. No mistakes.